EVERYTHING BUT IMAGINARY #168: CRAZY LITTLE THING CALLED LOVE

[Blake Petit]

<center><a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/621/EBIBettyVeronica.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/621/EBIBettyVeronica.jpg"></a></center>

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/26/Amazing_Spider-Man_500.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/26/Amazing_Spider-Man_500.jpg" align="left" border="0"></a>There’s been a lot of talk online lately about Spider-Man and his marriage to Mary Jane. Marvel’s editor-in-chief, Joe Quesada, has come down firmly opposed to the marriage, but says there’s no way to get rid of it without making the situation worse. He says that anchoring Peter in a marriage makes him seem older (but that killing his wife or divorcing them would make them older still) and that except for a kid or a divorce there’s no story that can be told with a married Spider-Man that can’t be told with a single one.

And I, for one, think Quesada is completely, 100-percent wrong.

Before I talk about his specific arguments, let me explain to you how I think about Spider-Man himself. More than any other superhero I can think of, Peter Parker has always been about growth and change. He started off as a bespectacled high school geek, but even without that spider bite to kick things off, he wouldn’t have stayed there. We watched as he lost the glasses (his powers apparently “strengthened his eye muscles”) and graduated from high school. He went to college. He dated a succession of women, moved from apartment to apartment, struggled with money and changed a few jobs along the way. In other words, reading his story felt like reading about someone’s real life.

In real life, people do eventually get married. When they find the right person for them (and often when they find the wrong one), they settle down and start a family. This happens for different people at different ages. I remember reading once that people in bigger cities like New York tend to get married at a later age than people in the rest of this country - -but does that mean it’s not realistic for Pete and Mary Jane to marry in their mid-20s? Absolutely not. People do it all the time, even in this day and age, and people make it work.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/26/asm519.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/26/asm519.jpg" align="right" border="0"></a>Then there’s the idea that you can’t tell “married” stories that don’t have to do with children or the threat of divorce. Pardon my language, but that’s a load of poppycock. I’m not yet married myself, but as I get older more and more of my close friends and family are tying the knot, and I see the things that cause drama in their lives. Money issues, of course, come immediately to mind. “Oh, but they’ve told stories about Peter struggling with money since the earliest days of the character,” you say. This is true, but as Jeff Foxworthy would say, there’s a world of difference between “single money” and “married money.” There are different questions to contend with, different issues to be scrutinized. What about life-changing decisions – changing careers, going back to school, worrying about your partner’s health? Are these mundane situations? Not when they’re happening to you, or to people you care about. In the hands of a good writer, these little things can turn into powerful stories. Did anyone ever touch upon how MJ felt about Peter dropping photography to become a teacher? These sort of things affect a wife, and in different ways than they do a girlfriend. And those little mundane things, like anything else, take on a whole different dimension when your character is a superhero. There’s no reason a good writer can’t pull stories out of that.

We had a good 25 years of “single Peter” stories. We still get them in Ultimate Spider-Man and a half-dozen other outlets. Now we’ve had almost 20 years of “married Peter and Mary Jane” stories, off and on. Quesada dismissed the idea of Peter and Mary Jane becoming parents right off the bat – I say that we’re ready for some “daddy Peter” stories. We’ve gotten a little of that in Spider-Girl, but as any father on the planet will tell you, you have different issues as the parent of a newborn than as the parent of a teenager. As for the other argument I’ve heard – that people who find Spider-Man through the movies won’t recognize the character in the comics if he’s married and a parent… if being recognizable is a problem, I’d rethink the godawful costume Spider-Man is wearing these days before rethinking the wedding ring.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/147/catwoman57.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/147/catwoman57.jpg" align="left" border="0"></a>Do things like marriage and children close the door on some stories? Yes, absolutely. But they open other doors, doors that haven’t been explored very much. Aside from the Fantastic Four, how many comics have dealt with superhero parenthood? Cyclops’s son was zapped to the future and returned fully-grown, Arsenal’s daughter shows up only when the writers remember she exists and Green Arrow met his son as an adult. I can’t wait to see what they do with Catwoman as a mother, just because it’s so new.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/154/ActionComics836.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/154/ActionComics836.jpg" align="right" border="0"></a>Good stories, to me, are stories that feel realistic and ring true to real life – and in real life people grow, change, evolve, sometimes devolve, but they’re still changing. If you’re not changing, at any point in your life, you’re dead. That’s why I don’t mind Peter and Mary Jane being married any more than I do Superman and Lois Lane. In fact, I’d argue that the marriage in that case has made Clark Kent a much MORE relatable character. People may not be able to get past the alien aspects of the character, but people understand a man who simply loves his wife. Furthermore, it’s made Lois a better character – no more questions about why she can’t see through his disguise, no more jokes that she’s not smart enough to piece it together… in fact, now that she’s covering his back at the Daily Planet it’s easier to believe that everyone else is still in the dark.

That’s why the possibility of Batman being the father of Catwoman’s baby intrigues me. We’ve seen him as a surrogate father to his Robins, but we’ve never seen him actually trying to raise a child. For all of the challenges in his life, this is one I think Bruce Wayne would be utterly unprepared for, and I think it would be very interesting to see how he would deal with it. It’s kind of disappointing to me that, if Wally West ever comes back, we’ll have skipped past the formative years of his twin children.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/436/archie400.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/436/archie400.jpg" align="left" border="0"></a>The only comic book characters that should ever remain arrested in the same place for all time are Archie Andrews and his friends. Archie comics are something of an entry-level book that helps pull the youngest readers into the medium of comics as a whole, and for that purpose, lovesick teenagers are far more effective than adult characters. There’s a weird sort of elasticity to Archie’s universe – the world they live in always reflects the technology, fashions and trends of the current world, but the characters don’t change at all. Today Archie may e-mail Betty or call Veronica on her cell phone, but he’s still the same character that drove a jalopy and played kick-the-can in the 1940s.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/436/Archie_Giant_Series_590.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/436/Archie_Giant_Series_590.jpg" align="right" border="0"></a>But even with the eternally-unchanging Archie, there are hints that the characters have a future we’ll never see. In Archie Giant Series #590, for example, Archie’s pal Jughead got caught up in a time-travel adventure that thrust him into the far future where, inevitably, he asked Archie’s descendant which girl he finally picked – Betty or Veronica? The reply was that he was about to marry one girl, but suddenly changed his mind and married the other – and then of course the conversation was disrupted by the attack of some evil robots and the choice was never revealed. But to me, the implication that he will make up his mind one day is an important one – it says that even the immortal high school junior Archie will one day grow up.

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/436/Archies_Love_Showdown_Special.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/436/Archies_Love_Showdown_Special.jpg" align="left" border="0"></a>Brief tangent here – the way Archie’s decision is described, to me, says with certainty that he chooses Betty. Of the two girls, Veronica is the one who is more likely to coerce him into an engagement he doesn’t really want. Furthermore, if he left Veronica at the altar she would be furious, but that fury would fuel her and keep her going. Betty, on the other had, would be shattered, and I can’t imagine Archie ever doing that to her. Furthermore, he has chosen Betty – in Archie’s Love Showdown Special. Dumped by Cheryl Blossom and disgusted at Veronica’s behavior, he realized that Betty was the girl he should have been with all along – but before he could tell her, a new girl at school caught his eye, he forgot what he was doing and the whole crazy cycle started all over again.

Anyway, the point I’m getting at here is that good fictional characters change over time, and for many of them, that means marriage and parenthood is a logical step to take. It is often said that killing off a character just because you don’t know what to do with him is the mark of a bad writer. The same goes for killing off a marriage.

New Title of the Week

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/930/fell2.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/930/fell2.jpg" align="right" border="0"></a>This week’s new book for me is hands-down the best I’ve found since I started this experiment: Warren Ellis and Ben Templesmith’s series from Image Comics, Fell. Now I have to say that Ellis is very hit-or-miss for me. Some of his stuff is great. Some of his stuff bores me to tears. But Fell is a fantastic comic – the story of a detective making a life for himself in a crime-ridden town. Like so much of Ellis’s work, this book is very experimental by its nature – each issue is a self-contained, 16-page story and carries a cover price of $1.99. Don’t let that low page count fool you, though – these are 16 packed pages. Using a nine-panel grid, Ellis and Templesmith tell a complete, very satisfying story with each issue, and since each issue is self-contained you can easily grab any issue at any time and get a total reading experience. It takes me longer to read a single issue of Fell than it takes to read certain graphic novels – and I mean that as a compliment. Of all the new titles I’ve found since I began this project, this is the first to win a guaranteed spot on my comic shop pull list.

FAVORITE OF THE WEEK: June 7, 2006

<a href="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/media/162/wwcv15bv.jpg" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.comixtreme.com/gallery/data/thumbnails/162/wwcv15bv.jpg" align="left" border="0"></a>If it weren’t for books like Warlord, I’d be tempted to say that the current DC Universe can do no wrong. Batman, Superman, Green Lantern – I can’t remember a time where all of DC’s icons are being done so well at the same time. As of last week, we can add Wonder Woman to that list – the new first issue by Allan Heinberg and Terry Dodson is mostly set-up, as one of Diana’s old foes takes hostages and demands the heroine, missing for a year, show her face. The last page is full of implications, and I like all of them. I can’t wait for issue two.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People's Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner - which is now available at Amazon.com-- and the weekly “Think About It” humor column at the Think About It Central. He wishes Geoff Johns had done more with the Stargirl/Captain Marvel romance too. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms.

[Mark Blicharz]

Quesada doesn't know what the hell he's talking about most of the time.

[Infinitor]

And the Great Blake once said :"And I, for one, think Quesada is completely, 100-percent wrong."

And I say: You are not the only one! Quesada lives in a Continous state of ERROR, every time I read a statement of his I turn green.

And what they did with CW #2!!!!

revealing Spidey identity to the world!!!. That it´s 100% against Peter´s presona and just a cheap excuse to have some villian kill off Mary Jane!!!. I am not against the killing of spouses/significant other in comics (Sue Dibny was horrible, as it was meant to be, but at least DC wasn´t trying to depose of her for years!!!!) if it serves a story (like Kyle´s girl Alex), this is a cheap excuse!.... WHY MARVEL HATES MJ SO MUCH????? I´m pissed, sorry

BTW, Great column buddy!

[CPT Space Bomb]

WHO THE FRICK' CARES IF PETER IS MARRIED?! WOW. Good one Joe, good one.

[Infinitor]

Are we being sacastic Kimo-Sabe? Hmmm?

[chrismozer]

Let Peter stay married. Doesn't bother me in the least. I have never scratched my head wondering how old Peter is. I was very upset when the supposed child of Peter and Mary Jane was "kidnapped" by Norman Osborne. It is still a dangling thread that has always bothered me. I say if they're gonna be married, let 'em have offspring, too.

[B. Schatz]

I think their problem with married Peter is the fact that stories with him being single are just easier to tell. Every writer probably has a good story about the follies of being single, and mixing in a secret superhero life... well that just makes things fun. But a married Spider-Man? That takes a special touch.

Just my opinion.

[maggottman]

First off, I'd like to add my voice to the chorus of "Blake's right, Quesada's wrong". Now, I'm going to go off on several tangents.
First, I'd contend that comic books aren't the only source of "there's no interesting stories to tell about marriage"--television's generally the same way. Once a tv couple goes from engaged to married, it seems like the only stories featuring them afterwards are trying to have a kid, or veering narrowly close to divorce.
Next, although I don't think I can push this idea very far, I'd say Quesada's picking up on a vibe of society in general, a view that marriage is for old people, and its focus first and foremost children, while it's the single people who live exciting, interesting lives.
Finally, I'd like to take Quesada's opinion completely out of context and apply it to the upcoming Storm / Black Panther wedding. Given Quesada's feelings on comic-book marriage, it really drives home that the wedding is just a stupid publicity stunt--and a short-sighted, maybe even hypocritical one at that. I mean, basically, extending his comments on Spider-Man, marriage is a dead end story wise and makes the characters seem old-- isn't that the same as saying, ok, we're going to take two of the most prominent black characters in the Marvel Universe and make THEM boring and old? It seems kinda the opposite of the multiracial-feelgood that they seem to be going for.

[DocOrlando]

Hello, I'm 36 years old, I have a receding hairline, grey at the temples, I've been married for nearly nine years, and I have two kids who routinely leave my wife and I exhausted at the end of the day.

I also still read comic books. I'd read LOTS of comic books if my money didn't have to go to other things (like feeding and clothing a wife and kids).

I can think of half a dozen fascinating storylines to pursue with Pete and MJ as a married (and/or with kids) couple. Stuff that you're not going to find as a matter of course in either comics or TV, because execs in both media don't find those stories 'attractive' or 'sexy' enough to sell commercials/books.

They're missing out on some damned intense drama as a result. I can only imagine how much more tense my life would be if, rather than sitting in my cube all day, I was out going toe-to-toe with Sabertooth or Doc Ock, all the while trying to get home in order to change diapers, cook dinner, read bedtime stories and give my wife a kiss as we pass in the hallway.

Sound mundane? Marvel was always the company that revelled in the 'humanity' of its characters. I seem to recall an issue (or perhaps it was even two) of one of the Spidey books where Peter was just trying to get Aunt May's medicine back to the house so she wouldn't get seriously ill... but his obligations as Spider-man kept interrupting. The tension was never over who he was fighting — might've been the Goblin; that I can't remember only proves my point — but over whether or not he'd get back home in order to keep May healthy.

Everything I see on TV suggests to me that either the bulk of TV writers are single (and therefore lacking perspective) or — if they are married/parents — have been forced by producers to eschew the dramas of real life in favor of contrived storylines. So-called 'family' dramas suck. They don't have to, but as long as producers and writers continue to reinforce their foggy notions of what 'family' means, that's not going to change. And obviously JoeQ subscribes to that same notion. His ultimate stance: Better dead than wed.

[Infinitor]

Originally Posted by DocOrlando

Hello, I'm 36 years old, I have a receding hairline, grey at the temples, I've been married for nearly nine years, and I have two kids who routinely leave my wife and I exhausted at the end of the day.

I also still read comic books. I'd read LOTS of comic books if my money didn't have to go to other things (like feeding and clothing a wife and kids).

I can think of half a dozen fascinating storylines to pursue with Pete and MJ as a married (and/or with kids) couple. Stuff that you're not going to find as a matter of course in either comics or TV, because execs in both media don't find those stories 'attractive' or 'sexy' enough to sell commercials/books.

They're missing out on some damned intense drama as a result. I can only imagine how much more tense my life would be if, rather than sitting in my cube all day, I was out going toe-to-toe with Sabertooth or Doc Ock, all the while trying to get home in order to change diapers, cook dinner, read bedtime stories and give my wife a kiss as we pass in the hallway.

Sound mundane? Marvel was always the company that revelled in the 'humanity' of its characters. I seem to recall an issue (or perhaps it was even two) of one of the Spidey books where Peter was just trying to get Aunt May's medicine back to the house so she wouldn't get seriously ill... but his obligations as Spider-man kept interrupting. The tension was never over who he was fighting — might've been the Goblin; that I can't remember only proves my point — but over whether or not he'd get back home in order to keep May healthy.

Everything I see on TV suggests to me that either the bulk of TV writers are single (and therefore lacking perspective) or — if they are married/parents — have been forced by producers to eschew the dramas of real life in favor of contrived storylines. So-called 'family' dramas suck. They don't have to, but as long as producers and writers continue to reinforce their foggy notions of what 'family' means, that's not going to change. And obviously JoeQ subscribes to that same notion. His ultimate stance: Better dead than wed.

Give this man a medal.

You know what you are saying fine sir

[SINALOA]

Spiderman should be single if marvel insists on having him stay in that relationship they should start popping out the kids.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by SINALOA

Spiderman should be single if marvel insists on having him stay in that relationship they should start popping out the kids.

Because those are the only two options in life?

[SINALOA]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Because those are the only two options in life?

Would be the most intereting for stories In my opinion.

[Blake Petit]

I think a spider-baby would be a very interesting storyline, but that doesn't mean it's the only interesting story you can tell with a married couple.

[SINALOA]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

I think a spider-baby would be a very interesting storyline, but that doesn't mean it's the only interesting story you can tell with a married couple.

how long have they been married? just seems logical that they have a baby but I would preffer that she were killed off, goes through some serious mourning, gets his life back together and starts all over again.

[Liam Creswick]

Oh, I know how we can change Archie and pals, I know how we can change em reeeeeel good.

As for married Spiderman vs a Single Swinger (hahah, play on words are outstanding) I don't care as long as 2 things are present.

A. Spiderman's personality stays true. Put Parker (or any character) in any situation, and as long as they react in character, then I don't care what they do...
B. The story should be good. Whatever the situation is, the story should be exciting. (obviously). Like Blake said, there are Single stories, and married stories. I dont care wich one one as long as it a good one.

[Blake Petit]

Actually, have you read that comic, Liam? The amazing thing about it is how well both characters remained true to themselves despite their gargantuanly different worlds.

[Grodd JoJoJo]

Blake, I totally agree. Besides, haven't the fans reacted negatively EVERY time Marvel has tried to get rid of MJ before? And Quesada hasn't learned that? I think Quesada honestly believes that X-Men is still Marvel's flagship title. Spiderman has always defined Marvel, even when X-Men comics sold more. Spiderman is the essence of Marvel - the superhero who has to fight the same battles we do.

[Liam Creswick]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Actually, have you read that comic, Liam? The amazing thing about it is how well both characters remained true to themselves despite their gargantuanly different worlds.

No I havent read the spiderman stuff I question, but in my defense, I only use Spidey as a vehical for a more broad point. And Spidy in particular becuase thats the example most prominant in the column. What I said in my last post was in terms of comic charaters overall. And when I say "Has to be good" I was definitley not reffering to the Spidey matterial as being good or bad, but agian, in general.

Edit: O snap, are you referring to the Archie/Punisher thing....? No haven't read that either, the cover just makes me laugh. I mostly posted that as a joke, not to make a point in anyway.

[Mark Blicharz]

Originally Posted by SINALOA

how long have they been married? just seems logical that they have a baby but I would preffer that she were killed off, goes through some serious mourning, gets his life back together and starts all over again.

In actual comic years, no more then 5-6 years. You have a very skewed outlook on life. Being married doesn't mean you need to pop out kids. Did you ever consider the fact that if a child had even 1/10 of Peter's strength that he/she would be able to kill MJ in the womb? Maybe he's afraid of what would happen? His life is more together now then it's ever been. He's happy, he's got a best friend and wife to talk to about his day, he doesn't have to lie to his aunt, he has friends to talk to about his superhero problems, learned the superhero community respects him more then he knows, and has a great job. He doesn't need anymore problems in his life. He just came back from the dead, both of his father figures were killed, the public hates him because of the Bugle's articles against him yet he continues to fight for the good side. So now you want to kill the one good thing that's happened to him?