EVERYTHING BUT IMAGINARY #238: SCUM AND VILLAINY

[Blake Petit]

“Seven days to Halloween, Halloween, Halloween! Seven days to Halloween, Silver Shamrock!”

Ah, don’t you just want to strangle whoever wrote that song? Well, it’s been stuck in my head all day, and now that I have committed the unspeakable evil of passing it along to you, it’s time to really get nasty. Halloween isn’t all candy corn and costumes, gang, it’s also a time to let the dark side out. Slasher movies, haunted houses, ghost stories told by the campfire… ‘tis the season to be spooky. So in honor of the upcoming Days of Darkness, I thought this would be a good time to talk about a topic that’s been requested many times but I’ve never covered before. It’s time to countdown… (drumroll please…)

Blake’s Top Ten Scariest Villains!

This is by no means a comprehensive list, and I’m sure many of your personal favorites were left off and you will burn me in effigy next Wednesday for having committed such an affront to your honor. I’m prepared. Since I’m going for “scariest,” I picked those characters that, to me, most embody the idea of pure evil. There were a lot of villains I disqualified because I don’t consider them, technically, evil. Magneto, for example, while certainly a complex villain, is usually written as being more misguided than actually malevolent. Then there are characters like Galactus – a force of nature, incredibly destructive… but really no more capable of what we call “evil” than a hurricane or tornado that rips through a city. Guys like Deathstroke are just in it for the money, and while Mephisto may be the devil himself, I just can’t be afraid of someone who wears red elf booties. So here, totally biased, is my list of the ten scariest, nastiest, most keep-you-up-at-night-after-you-wet-the-bed terrifying villains ever to blight the comic book page.

10. Dr. Light. Here’s a guy that, a few years ago, wouldn’t have even come close to this list. Dr. Light was a buffoon, a joke… until we discovered why. He’d had his brain scrambled by the Justice League of America for the heinous crime of raping sweet Sue Dibney, wife of Elongated Man (as revealed in Identity Crisis). If true evil can be defined as the destruction of innocence, there can be no doubt that he’s earned a place on this list. With his mind restored and the power to control light itself, he has the potential to be one of the scariest beings in the DC Universe.

9. Annihilus. Another character who has gone from being kind of a joke to a force to be reckoned with, Annihilus makes the list by virtue of instigating a war that killed billions of sentient beings, not to mention all but one member of the Xandarian Nova Corps and Quasar. This ruler from the Negative Zone set his sights on our universe, and were it not for the efforts of a few b-list heroes and villains, he would have succeeded. And although he was defeated at the end of Annihilation, he was reborn, so you know he’s out there just waiting… biding his time before he strikes again.

8. Kevin. Kevin (last name unknown, possibly “Roark”) is perhaps one of the nastiest characters to come out of Frank Miller’s Sin City (and as Basin City is one of the nastiest cities in comicdom, that’s saying something). When Marv, the brutal anti-hero of “The Hard Goodbye”, investigated the murder of the prostitute called Goldie, his search finally led him to this chilling man-child with a taste for human flesh. His horrifying feeding habits were just made all the more frightening by the fact that he never spoke, not even to scream in pain when Marv gave him what he had coming to him… although to hear Cardinal Roark tell it, he had the “voice of an angel.” Elijah Wood played him in the movie, and it was almost as scary as when he played the title role in North. Almost.

7. Dracula. Here’s a guy whose comic book output hasn’t been great as of late, but his legendary status as true King f the Monsters gets him in the top ten anyway. A cold, unrepentant blood-sucker with no more compassion for his victims than most people have for their Chicken McNuggets before they dunk them in Sweet ‘n Sour sauce, he managed an almost unheard of feat in comics. He starred in a long-running, villain-anchored solo title without turning into an anti-hero in the process. Venom couldn’t do that. Sabertooth? Mystique? No way. Only the lord of the Nosferatu has that kind of gravitas. Boy, I hate that word.

6. The Red Skull. In our own world – at least in modern history – it’s hard to imagine a force of greater evil than Adolph Hitler’s Third Reich. In comics, that evil is represented by Captain America’s arch-nemesis, the Red Skull. Cold, calculating, merciless – this Nazi remnant is an evil genius of the first order, still trying to bring forth the Fuhrer’s idea of a perfect world into the 21st century. Bigoted, smugly superior and cruel, If he even deigns to talk to you, he’s either planning to use you or kill you. If you’re lucky, it’s the latter.

5. Sinestro. Here’s another one that wouldn’t have made the list a few years ago, and not just because he was dead. Once upon a time, Sinestro was just “the bad Green Lantern,” a guy with hot pink skin and a yellow Power Ring who still couldn’t beat a guy whose main weakness was that very color. Well, now Sinestro is back, and for the first time, a legitimate threat not just to Hal Jordan, but to an entire universe. Not only is he more ruthless and violent than ever before, he’s joined forces with the universe-destroying Anti-Monitor and the embodiment of fear itself, Parallax, to command an army of 7200 monsters whose very purpose is to create fear. It may well be the Green Lantern Corps’ darkest night, and it’s all thanks to Sinestro.

4. Darkseid. Darkseid is typically considered the most powerful villain in the DC Universe, and with good reason. The man rules Apokalips, an entire planet named for the end of the world, and does so with a cold contempt for all life. His body contains the Omega Force, a power of destruction so total it causes you to cease to exist. His only goal is the aptly-named Anti-Life Equation, and he doesn’t care who he has to destroy to get it. His villainy is practically eternal, not even ending today but extending a thousand years into the future to plague even the Legion of Super-Heroes. His power is unimaginable, and that makes him a danger to everyone. But oddly, enough, this is where the power on this list ends. My top three villains are all too human.

3. Lex Luthor. Unscrupulous billionaire, mad scientific genius – no matter what incarnation of Lex Luthor we’re talking about, his utter lack of compassion (the man, at least in one continuity, murdered his own parents after taking out life insurance policies in their names), his limitless capacity to deceive, his soulless capacity to use and discard other human beings and his sheer hatred of that which he feels threatening makes him one of the most dangerous men alive. The very fact that someone with no super powers at all has become the greatest threat to Superman is all the proof you need of the fearsome strength of Luthor’s mind. If you deal with Lex Luthor, sooner or later he will destroy you… either for revenge, for self-preservation, or maybe just because it amuses him.

2. The Joker. Batman is all about control – about seizing darkness, taming it, and preserving justice. The Joker is his dark opposite – the embodiment of insanity and chaos. The normal rules of fighting an enemy don’t apply to him, because his madness defies all rules. This is the man who crippled Batgirl, beat a Robin to death (kinda), and slaughtered Jim Gordon’s wife while she fought to save the lives of the infants he was threatening. And the whole time he’s killing you, he never stops smiling that hideous, horrible grin. The Joker is the reason people get scared of clowns. The Joker is the reason the children of Gotham City stay awake at night.

1. Dr. Doom. My favorite comic book villain,t he expression of pure villainy, Stan Lee and Jack Kirby’s malevolent masterpiece, is Dr. Victor Von Doom. Doom is a man with no inherent powers, but who has used a combination of science and magic – guided by a nearly limitless twisted genius – to transform himself into one of the most powerful, fearsome men in the world. Like Luthor (but even more so), it is doom’s mind that makes him a paragon of villainy, that genius that could have done so much good for the world had it not been so horribly twisted. His own arrogance cost him his face (an accident he still blames on Reed Richards), he has no qualms about murder and torture to get what he needs, he even slaughtered his own childhood sweetheart just to set a trap for the Fantastic Four. But his goal, as far as he’s concerned, is benevolent. His endless feud with Reed Richards? Justifiable revenge against the man who sabotaged him. All the people he’s used and killed? Necessary steps to accomplish his goals. All he really wants is to protect the soul of his mother (such a good son), and to take over the world. And the only reason for the latter is because he knows he’s the best man to run it. Doom is the villain who knows he’s smarter than you. And unless you happen to be Reed Richards, he’s right.

Favorite of the Week: October 17, 2007

Some weeks there’s no real standout, nothing that makes me leap to my feet and cheer… but when you’re lucky, those weeks will include an appearance by a tried-and-true friend that will never let you down. While nothing last week blew me away, Fables #66 is another chapter in the usual excellence that Bill Willingham and Mark Buckingham provide us. The story of Ambrose takes a vital turn this issue, and we learn just how wise the former Flycatcher has become. This comic is never predictable, and always enthralling. As long as there’s a Fables being published, there’ll be comic books worth reading.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People's Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the weekly “Think About It” humor column at Think About It Central. He’s also the co-host, with the inimitable Chase Bouzigard, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcast. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Think About It Central.

[Eric Barrett]

Interesting list. Not sure I would put Dr. Light on my top 10 list though.

I would also put Joker in the #1 spot. There are few villains as evil, messed up, brutal, and crazy as the Joker. Considering he likes to kill for fun and "humor" I have always found him to be a truly terrifying villain.

He's the one villain on the list that would tormet you just "because." And I find that creepy.

[WhereIsTony]

Not a bad list blake, well explained given YOU made it I am suprised not to see gepetto on it

[Terry Verticchio]

I wonder if we'll ever see Stilt-man get a re-vamping and make him the uber villain he should have been.

[RadioCleve]

Originally Posted by Terry Verticchio

I wonder if we'll ever see Stilt-man get a re-vamping and make him the uber villain he should have been.

He's dead. Maybe Stilt-Man II

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by WhereIsTony

Not a bad list blake, well explained given YOU made it I am suprised not to see gepetto on it

Heh -- well, he's certainly made a mark as a villain, but he hasn't really been a scary villain to me. At least not yet. (But hey, check back next year.)

[WhereIsTony]

The blue fairy thing gave me the willies

[chrismozer]

Surprised i didn't see Thanos. I always felt those two go hand in hand (now there's a visual).

[Blake Petit]

Eh. To me, Thanos is the poor man's Darkseid.

(Sorry, Thanos fans, but that's how it is.)

[Magnus2k]

First, awesome column.

Two, agree with Eric. Joker should be number one. Doom is mean, dont get me wrong, but he's got a bit of Magneto in him as well. The joker however, does not. Doom will side with the heros to save the world, and he'll turn on them afterwards. I cant see the Joker doing that. I see him as "Hell, its all ending, I'm ending it with blood and a smile!" Not only did he cripple Babs, but he then took pictures of her crippled, NAKED body, and then showed them to her NAKED father in a fun house full of crippy dwarves!

I'd have added Freddy Kruger too. He was mad evil before the demons. Molestation and murder of children? It doesnt get much more evil. Add to the fact he now gets to do it in dreams with little to stop him?

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Magnus2k

First, awesome column.

Two, agree with Eric. Joker should be number one. Doom is mean, dont get me wrong, but he's got a bit of Magneto in him as well. The joker however, does not. Doom will side with the heros to save the world, and he'll turn on them afterwards. I cant see the Joker doing that. I see him as "Hell, its all ending, I'm ending it with blood and a smile!" Not only did he cripple Babs, but he then took pictures of her crippled, NAKED body, and then showed them to her NAKED father in a fun house full of crippy dwarves!

I'd have added Freddy Kruger too. He was mad evil before the demons. Molestation and murder of children? It doesnt get much more evil. Add to the fact he now gets to do it in dreams with little to stop him?

I'll never deny that Joker is scary as heck -- I guess in the end, though, I find Doom's cold, sane evil more frightening than the Joker's insanity. Not much, but enough.

Freddy's a great villain, but he doesn't really have enough good showings in comic book form to make this list.

[Magnus2k]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

I'll never deny that Joker is scary as heck -- I guess in the end, though, I find Doom's cold, sane evil more frightening than the Joker's insanity. Not much, but enough.

Freddy's a great villain, but he doesn't really have enough good showings in comic book form to make this list.

I can see both your points.

As for the first one, I think I might know why, if I may be so brave as to jump into the mind of Blake! Doom's evil, can grow to be on a much larger scale than the Jokers. I mean, the Jokers biggest threat was in the Emp Joker scale. Doom does something of that nature every 5 years or so.

I think pound for pound, on a daily basis, Joker is more evil than Doom on a total scale. But when Doom decides to show out, he goes all out, and its much more thought out and planned.

[Ben Lehnsherr]

Great column, Blake. I enjoyed reading this, very entertaining....

The Joker is the reason people get scared of clowns. The Joker is the reason the children of Gotham City stay awake at night.

Great lines....!

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Magnus2k

I can see both your points.

As for the first one, I think I might know why, if I may be so brave as to jump into the mind of Blake! Doom's evil, can grow to be on a much larger scale than the Jokers. I mean, the Jokers biggest threat was in the Emp Joker scale. Doom does something of that nature every 5 years or so.

I think pound for pound, on a daily basis, Joker is more evil than Doom on a total scale. But when Doom decides to show out, he goes all out, and its much more thought out and planned.

True dat.

[Michael Bailey]

Agree with the contents of the column if not the placement. This is a personal thing and maybe it's because I am more of a DC person than a Marvel one but I don't think of Dr. Doom as the scariest villain of all time. I admit that I haven't had much exposure to him, but I would be much more scared for my life if the Joker was before than Dr. Doom.

Crazy usually wins out over meglomanical, but maybe that's just me.

Still, good list.

[Blake Petit]

Again, I think it's a balance between calculating and random insanity. I find it more terrifying when someone PLANS to be evil. But your mileage may vary.

[chrismozer]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Again, I think it's a balance between calculating and random insanity. I find it more terrifying when someone PLANS to be evil. But your mileage may vary.

I'd have to agree with ya on your top choice.
Check out FF back issues #39, 40, 57, 58, 59, 60, 84, 85, 86, 87, 116, 142, 143, 144, 497, 498, 499, 500 for great Dr. Doom stories. Loved #116 when Dr. Doom became the FF's ally to defeat a the Overmind but told the FF it didn't change one thing between the FF and Doom relationship. Also, check out the graphic novel "Emperor Doom."

As for Thanos vs. Darkseid....give me an Infinity Gauntlet over Omega Beams any day.

[Newborn Glory]

Meh, Dr. Light made the List but not Thanos? Poor man's Darkseid or not (not), that's still better than Dr Light. At least I like your number 1 pick, and the rest of the list is pretty good. Interesting article.

I like how you gave Annihilus and Sinestro props though.

[Magnus2k]

Originally Posted by Newborn Glory

Meh, Dr. Light made the List but not Thanos? Poor man's Darkseid or not (not), that's still better than Dr Light. At least I like your number 1 pick, and the rest of the list is pretty good. Interesting article.

I like how you gave Annihilus and Sinestro props though.

Thanos never raped anyone. I know its a personal issue, but to me, there isnt anything more evil than Rape and child molestation.

[Newborn Glory]

Originally Posted by Magnus2k

Thanos never raped anyone. I know its a personal issue, but to me, there isnt anything more evil than Rape and child molestation.

Most of the people on the list haven't raped anyone. In fact, in my opinion, to have that happen in a comic book is wrong. Killing is bad enough (I mean, it kinda has to happen for bad guys to have validity), but that is something I don't care to see in a comic.

Thanos on the other hand, has Killed more people Than Darkseid, all to please Death....Yet he's conspicuously left off the list due to "preference". That's what I had a problem with. And saying he is "a poor man's darkseid" is kinda ignorant. Sure he came after Darkseid, but I think he's been written better and has developed much more interestingly than DS has, as Thanos is a doer. Darkseid is a plotter. I'd say they're both equally deserving.