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#1
May 16th 2008, 04:46 AM
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STUPID QUESTIONS AT THE EMERALD CITY COMIC CON 2008
STUPID QUESTIONS AT THE EMERALD CITY COMIC-CON 2008
Once more, I ventured to the ECCC to ask people the stupidest things I could think of, and once again I was not thrown out by security, so I consider this a positive sign. I couldn’t get everyone, but I got a who’s who of comic professionals willing to wade into the waters of sheer idiocy with me: Jay Faerber, Jim & Aaron Valentino, Rick Remender, Gerry Duggan, Phil Noto, Steve Rolston, Matt Kindt, Brian Hurtt, Jim Cheung, Steve Sadowski, Tom Raney, Brandon Jerwa, Jen Van Meter, Scott Allie, David Hahn, Colleen Coover, Paul Tobin, Josh Howard, Eric Powell, Darick Robertson, Paul Chadwick, Ken Steacy, Andy Kuhn, Ivan Brandon, Charles “Zan” Christiansen, Mark Brill, Michael Alan Nelson, Kurt Busiek, Matt Haley, Kieron Dwyer, Pia Guerra, Edward Pun, Brett Warnock, Jeff Brown, Moritat, Richard Starkings, Brandon Graham, Gail Simone, Aaron Lopresti, Ed Brubaker, Mike Choi, Bill Willingham, Greg Rucka, Eric S. Trautmann, Chris Giarrusso, Matthew Clark, Tim Sale, Matt Wagner, Sean Dietrich, Eric Basaldua, Dave Stewart, Moose Baumann, Kaare Andrews, Aaron Williams, Tone Rodriguez, David Malki!, Dan Wickline, Raven Gregory, Christian Beranek, Steve Lieber, Sara Ryan, Michael Avon Oeming, Taki Soma, Andy Owens, Jeff Parker, David Finch, Tony Bedard, Tom Peyer, Skottie Young, and our first non comics related person, Jamie Bamber (yes, Apollo from Battlestar Galactica. He’s a very brave man). I also have a mystery respondent, Matt M., who was not a mystery when I questioned him, but now is because I couldn’t read my own shorthand. (So Matt M. - if you recognize your responses, email me, and I’ll credit you properly. Sorry about that.) Now, without further ado, the Q&A. 1. Do you have any fruit to declare?  Jay F.: No Aaron V.: Oranges Rick R.: Gerry Duggan Gerry D.: No (well, maybe Rick Remender) Phil N.: No Matt M.: Yes, illegal dragon fruit from Indonesia Steve R.: Does beef jerky count? Matt K.: No Brian H.: Pineapple Jim C.: Oranges Steve S.: Myself Tom R.: No Brandon J.: Arthur Sudyam Jen VanM.: No Scott A.: No David H.: No Colleen C.: No Paul T.: No Josh H.: No Eric P.: Does fish count? Darick R.: Kumquats Paul C.: Grapes in the microwave Ken S.: Kumquats Andy K.: No Ivan B.: No - but can I declare Matt Fraction’s bananas? Zan C.: Mahself (this spelling was specified) Mark B.: Myself Michael Alan N.: No Kurt B.: I declare pomegranates Matt H.: Mangoes Kieron D.: Matt Haley Pia G.: No, I ate it Edward P.: No Jim V.: No, I don’t swing that way Brett W.: No Jeff B.: Brett Warnock Moritat: Yes Richard S.: No Brandon G.: I declare tomatoes are not fruit Gail S.: My hairdresser Aaron L.: Oranges Ed B.: No Mike C.: No  Bill W.: Greg Rucka Greg R.: No Eric T.: Yes - Brandon Jerwa Chris G.: No Matthew C.: Celery Tim S.: No Matt W.: No Eric B.: No Sean D.: No Dave S.: Pineapple Moose B.: A few, but I’m not telling you Kaare A.: No Aaron W.: No, she went home Tone R.: Yes, the strawberries weren’t as sweet as they used to be David M.: They don’t count Dan W.: No Raven G.: No Christian B.: I love mangoes and mashed pomegranates Steve L.: *holds up bottle of cabernet sauvignon* Sara R.: *holds up bottle of aspirin* Mike Avon O.: Yes, Taki Soma Taki S.: Pineapple Andy O.: No Jeff P.: Yes David F.: No Tony B.: Only this guy (Tom Peyer) Tom P.: Only this guy (Tony Bedard) Skottie Y.: No Jamie B.: Just my cherry 2. Of everyone here, who do you think is most likely to be hiding a sordid past? Jay F.: Jim Valentino Aaron V.: Brent at Top Shelf Rick R.: Ivan Brandon Gerry D.: Rick Remender Phil N.: Rick Remender Matt M.: Jeff Parker Steve R.: Greg Rucka (but didn’t want me to say he said it) Matt K.: Brian Hurtt  Brian H.: Matt Kindt Jim C.: Tony Bedard Steve S.: Myself Tom R.: Tim Vigil Brandon J.: Tom Peyer Jen VanM.: Bill Willingham Scott A.: Herb Apon David H.: Jeff Parker Colleen C.: Don’t know Paul T.: David Hahn Josh H.: Me Eric P.: The guy that tried to feel up my girlfriend Darick R.: Josh Ortega Paul C.: Adam Baldwin Ken S.: Paul Chadwick Andy K.: Robert Kirkman Ivan B.: Greg Thompson Zan C.: Max Mark B.: Phil Folio Michael Alan N.: Me Kurt B.: Neil Vokes Matt H.: Kieron Dwyer Kieron D.: You (Andrea Speed) Pia G.: Moritat Edward P.: The guy in the Flash costume Jim V.: Aaron Valentino Brett W.: Jim Valentino Jeff B.: That guy in the black t-shirt Moritat: Richard Starkings Richard S.: Moritat Brandon G.: Moritat Gail S.: Dan DiDio Aaron L.: Matt Haley Ed B.: Mike Choi Mike C.: Ed Brubaker Bill W.: Gail Simone Greg R.: (Eric) Trautmann Eric T.: Other than me? Josh Ortega. Chris G.: Joe Keating Matthew C.: Terri Nelson Tim S.: You (Andrea Speed) Matt W.: Me Eric B.: No idea Sean D.: James Taylor Dave S.: Scott Allie Moose B.: Ethan Van Sciver Kaare A.: Skottie Young Aaron W.: Phil Folio  Tone R.: Dan Wickline David M.: My wife Dan W.: Raven Gregory Raven G.: Dan Wickline Christian B.: Raven Gregory Steve L.: Sara Ryan Sara R.: Jim Demonakos Mike Avon O.: Randy Emberlin Taki S.: Neil Vokes Andy O.: Me Jeff P.: Colleen Coover David F.: Arthur Sudyam Tony B.: Mike Grell Tom P.: The little blonde girl with the pigtails Skottie Y.: Robert Kirkman Jamie B.: No one; everyone here is squeaky clean. 3. If a movie was made of your life, what would it be called? Jay F.: Swimming Upstream Aaron V.: Live Hard and Die Young Rick R.: Hitler, A Rape Story Gerry D.: It’s Over Too Soon Phil N.: The Long Goodbye Matt M.: My Life Steve R.: One Boring *** Life Matt K.: The Big Sleep Brian H.: My Brain Hurts Jim C.: The Life and Disasters of Jim Cheung Steve S.: Me Tom R.: Not Done Brandon J.: The Guy Who Tried Too Hard Jen VanM.: Hopeless Scott A.: Forget The Ham and Cheese, I’m Worried About My Life David H.: I Told You So Colleen C.: Dazed and Confused Paul T.: Eggbeater Josh H.: Direct To DVD Eric P.: Delightfully Retarded Darick R.: Behind The Board Paul C.: Under Fir Trees  Ken S.: The Greatest Story Ever Told Andy K.: Awesome Squared 2: Electric Boogaloo Ivan B.: The Amazing Spider-Man Zan C.: Hey Look, Something Shiny Mark B.: Two Hours You’ll Never Get Back Michael Alan N.: Sordid Past Kurt B.: The Usual Thing Matt H.: Deadline Doom Kieron D.: Apocalypse Now Pia G.: More Additions Than Birthdays Edward P.: The Random Adventures of Dad Jim V.: Collateral Damage Brett W.: Hopelessly Lost Jeff B.: Clumsy (named after his book of the same name) Moritat: Pride and Prejudice Richard S.: Living On The Bottom Of An Upside Down Well Brandon G.: Brandon By The Graham Gail S.: Chaos Aaron L.: Why Me? Ed B.: Brubaker Mike C.: Choi To The World Bill W.: The Restraining Order Greg R.: Wha ..? Eric T.: I Drank What? Chris G.: Kick Me Matthew C.: Another Bad Movie Tim S.: Are You Doing Sketches? Matt W.: Comic Book Chef Eric B.: Don’t Watch This Movie Sean D.: Controlled Chaos Dave S.: Pretty Ordinary Life Moose B.: Where The Buffalo Roam Kaare A.: Dogwater Heroes Aaron W.: There Will Be No Sequels Tone R.: Ninety Wasted Minutes David M.: Ninety Minutes of Explosions, Then Everyone Goes To Sleep Dan W.: Boring Raven G.: Dan Wickline Christian B.: Never Surrender Steve L.: Three Jews and a Baby Sara R.: Two Jobs, No Sleep Mike Avon O.: My Bodyguard Taki S.: This Is Samuel L. Jackson Andy O.: Small Wonder Jeff P.: The Case of the Curious Creator David F.: My Story Tony B.: Tone-an The Barbarian Tom P.: Remember How Funny I Was Yesterday? Or, The Kurt Busiek Story Skottie Y.: Awesome Jamie B.: Brian Herron (for an explanation of this one, see the end of the article) 4. I’m looking for a new nickname. Do you have one for me? Jay F.: Shiny  Aaron V.: Sharky Rick R.: Rudy Won-Ton Gerry D.: Hatty Phil N.: Sparky Matt M.: No (I’m bad at nicknames) Steve R.: Hatty Matt K.: Minxy Brian H.: Next Question Please Jim C.: Sleuth Steve S.: Fedora Girl Tom R.: Question Girl Brandon J.: Scrumpy Jen VanM.: Sparky Scott A.: Hatty David H.: Sparky Colleen C.: Weeble Paul T.: The Question Josh H.: Shiny Eric P.: Happy Face Slappy Pants Darick R.: Sport Paul C.: Skip Ken S.: Chewy Andy K.: Miss Question Lady Ivan B.: Winthorp Zan C.: Crispy Mark B.: Chipper Michael Alan N.: Jimmy Stewart Kurt B.: Styler Matt H.: Zippy Kieron D.: Sketch Pia G.: Hat Squad Edward P.: Private Eye Jim V.: Stretch Brett W.: Anemone Jeff B.: Shiny Moritat: Charlie Richard S.: Skeet Brandon G.: Coral Speed-MacNeil Gail S.: Smiley Aaron L.: Gone Fishing Ed B.: Pleather Mike C.: Lois Lame Bill W.: Berferd Greg R.: Doc Eric T.: Scoop Chris G.: Doctor Shiny Matthew C.: No, not good at giving nicknames Tim S.: Hat Lady Matt W.: Greeny Eric B.: Vinyl Girl Sean D.: No Dave S.: Octopus Lady Moose B.: Red Kaare A.: Thunderbolt Aaron W.: Anthrax Tone R.: Five Silly Questions Lady David M.: Shiny Coat McOctopus  Dan W.: Sparrow Raven G.: Sibyl Christian B.: Punchy Steve L.: Meth Sara R.: Awesome Octopus Necklace Girl Mike Avon O.: Shirtpants Taki S.: Dude Andy O.: Ace Jeff P.: Continui-Kid David F.: Perky Tony B.: Doctor Who Tom P.: JC 3 (on loan from him) Skottie Y.: Not As Awesome As Me Jamie B.: The Doctor 5. If you were a kitchen appliance, what would you be? Jay F.: Can opener Aaron V.: Spork Rick R.: Speed corker Gerry D.: Toaster Phil N.: Blender Matt M.: Sausage maker Steve R.: An old school toaster Matt K.: Milkshake machine Brian H.: Blender Jim C.: Can opener Steve S.: Microwave Tom R.: Mixing bowl Brandon J.: Milkshake machine Jen VanM.: Blender Scott A.: Loincloth (he insisted this was in his kitchen) David H.: Garbage disposal Colleen C.: Cuisinart Paul T.: Eggbeater Josh H.: Salad shooter Eric P.: A garbage disposing toaster oven Darick R.: Microwave Paul C.: Trash compactor Ken S.: Spatula Andy K.: Electric fork  Ivan B.: Electric bread knife Zan C.: A Hello Kitty toaster Mark B.: Refrigerator Michael Alan N.: Spatula Kurt B.: Spatula Matt H.: Ice sphere maker Kieron D.: Toaster oven Pia G.: A “Magic Bullet” Edward P.: Toaster Jim V.: Spatula Brett W.: Swiss army knife Jeff B.: Coffee maker Moritat: The refrigerator Richard S.: Coffee maker Brandon G.: A manly Cuisinart Gail S.: A blender without a lid Aaron L.: Toaster Ed B.: Toaster Mike C.: A broken toaster oven Bill W.: Garbage disposal Greg R.: A filet knife Eric T.: Salad shooter Chris G.: Spatula Matthew C.: Spoon Tim S.: Toaster Matt W.: A mandolin (a type of slicer, not the musical instrument) Eric B.: Blender Sean D.: Blender Dave S.: Blender Moose B.: Spatula Kaare A.: A fork Aaron W.: Broken Tone R.: The old ice cream scoop no one uses, but no one will throw out David M.: A Whack’N’Chop (nut chopper and juicer) Dan W.: Blender Raven G.: Spatula Christian B.: Turkey baster Steve L.: A Tomato Shark Sara R.: Food processor Mike Avon O.: Blender Taki S.: Food processor Andy O.: Scale Jeff P.: A chrome blender with one setting David F.: Refrigerator Tony B.: Spatula Tom P.: The one with the bluest eyes Skottie Y.: Pizza cutter Jamie B.: A smoothie maker  As is tradition, I will now answer my own questions: 1. If I told you, I’d have to kill you 2. Sean Dietrich 3. Ha Ha, You Missed 4. Thermos H. Christ 5. A Cornballer (as advertised by George Bluth) As for why Jamie Bamber decided his life story would be titled Brian Herron, when I asked him this question, there was a very loud loudspeaker announcement asking for Brian Herron to report to a certain area. He pointed up at the ceiling (the announcement was coming from overhead), and said he would name his movie that. So there you go. That wasn’t nearly as interesting as you hoped, was it? Still, I made you come down here and read all about it. Thanks to everyone for answering my stupid, stupid questions. And thanks to Kaare Andrews for the awesome Logan sketch. (As for the picture of the wall, that's what Matthew Clark's table was facing. I had to share the view.) Pictures in order: Ed Brubaker 2. Gail Simone 3. Jim Cheung 4. Michael Alan Nelson 5. Kaare Andrews & Sketch 6. Tony Bedard & Tom Peyer 7. Matthew Clark 8. Matthew's view 9. ECCC floor 
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#2
May 16th 2008, 07:27 AM
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1. Cumquats...I can't say that enough...cumquats
2. Only you Andy. 3. Pull to apply, push to release 4. Bassmaster 5. A spurtle 
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Socially maladjusted and intellectually inert comic-book geeks unite! I hope this 911 thing is for real and not just on tv --Thorn 
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#3
May 16th 2008, 03:21 PM
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1. Maple Syrup (what was the question again?)
2. Kyle (The dude what works at the comic shop I do) 3. Sudden Breeze (or Wherefor Art My Pantaloons?) 4. Corey Feldman 5. A hand (it's nature's fork). Awesome questions Andy. I tried to say something to the creators that were at the Calgary con, but only managed to babble incoherently about how awesome they were.
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#4
May 16th 2008, 04:12 PM
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That was a lot of fun to read, Andrea. Great job.
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#5
May 16th 2008, 06:23 PM
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Quote:
 The best response was poor Ed Brubaker, who saw me and asked aggressively, "What crazy questions do you have now?!" And thank you everybody. It's a lot of fun to do, if perhaps a tad strange.
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