EVERYTHING BUT IMAGINARY #266: MAKE 'EM LAUGH (GREAT MOVIE RIDE FOUR)

[Blake Petit]

It’s that time again, friends! Board single-file, take off all hats and glasses, stow your personal belongings securely below your seat and prepare to experience the Everything But Imaginary Great Movie Ride! For new readers, this is an occasional sub-series within my EBI column in which I am attempting to give a review to (virtually) every comic book movie ever made. In previous installments, I’ve told you my five favorite and least-favorite comic movies of all time, I’ve discussed every big-screen adventure of Superman, and I dished on the extensive filmography of Batman. This week, I thought I’d take it a little easier – I’m looking at some comic book comedies. And after I’m done, I’m going to let you guys discuss what’ll be in the next GMR installment.

Let’s start with a pair of flicks based on Archie comics. Now obviously, everyone knows Archie and the gang can never grow up. He’s been a high school junior for over 60 years now, and Miss Grundy still won’t let him pass English Lit. But in 1990, an NBC TV movie did show us the gang as adults. To Riverdale and Back Again (later released on VHS as Archie: Return to Riverdale) picks up on an adult Archie Andrews (played by Reba’s Christopher Rich) and the gang about to return home to Riverdale for their high school reunion. Veronica (Karen Kopins) has racked up a string of ex-husbands, Betty (Lauren Holly) is an elementary school teacher and Jughead (Sam Whipple) is not only a psychiatrist, but a single father. As the gang reunites to try to save Pop Tate’s Choklit Shoppe from destruction from within, it becomes clear to them that you can go home again. I haven’t seen this movie since it was first on TV 18 years ago, and as best I can tell it isn’t available on DVD, but the film is still notable for two things: first, a painfully bad rap version of “Sugar, Sugar” performed by Jughead and Jughead Jr. Second, the comic book adaptation featured a John Byrne cover.

More recently, in 2001 we were treated to Josie and the Pussycats, starring Rachael Leigh Cook as Josie, Tara Reid as Melody, and future geek dream girl Rosario Dawson as Valerie. In this film, the all-girl band is courted by an unscrupulous record promoter looking for a new big thing in the wake of the untimely demise of the world’s biggest boy band. Fame begins to tempt Josie, however, and the band begins to crumble. Look, I’m going to level with you: this is not a good movie. The acting is cheesy and the dialogue could top a pizza. But I still like it. It’s a totally guilty pleasure for me. Maybe it’s the way they use the painfully over-the-top product placement as a satire on consumerism, or maybe it’s just three hot girls in cat costumes, I don’t know. But I like it. In fact… ugh, I’m loathe to confess this… I was listening to the soundtrack for this movie when I came up with the germ of the idea that became my novel The Beginner. I’m not proud of this guys, let’s just move on.

In the first column in this series, I listed Men in Black II as one of the worst comic book movies ever, and I stand by that. But the first film in the series, 1997’s Men in Black, was actually really good. Based on the obscure Malibu comic, Men in Black starred Will Smith as a New York City cop who is recruited by a top-secret organization dedicated to policing the planet Earth, both defending it from alien invaders and protecting the benign aliens themselves. Tommy Lee Jones as the curmudgeonly Agent K was spot-on perfect, the chemistry between the two of them was wonderful, and the movie was genuinely funny and exciting. Plus, y’know, the bad guy was essentially a giant cockroach, and for my money that’s about as scary as it gets. Much as I hated the sequel, that’s how much I loved the first one.

The year 1999 brought us Mystery Men, based on characters created by Flaming Carrot creator Bob Burden. When the world’s greatest superhero Captain Amazing (played to smarmy perfection by Greg Kinnear) goes missing, it’s up to a band of lesser heroes to pull together and save the world. I often find myself in a position of defending this movie – a lot of people hated it, but I really like it. Ben Stiller, before he would spend the next decade playing the same character in every movie released, was actually quite effective as the rage-channeling Mr. Furious. William H. Macy’s Shoveler was a sort of old-school hero with lame powers, Janeane Garofalo as the Bowler was a touch of cute the film greatly needed (this was before she began campaigning to join the Obnoxious Celebrity Club, founded by George Clooney), and the always-awesome Hank Azaria got rare face time as the Blue Raja. This was a story about guys who wanted to be heroes, who knew they weren’t in the big leagues, but who kept trying anyway. And y’know, that’s something that works for me.

And finally(for now), just last year we were given Stardust, based on the “illustrated” Vertigo novel by Neil Gaiman and Charles Vess. Charlie Cox plays Tristan, a young romantic who is willing to do anything to win the hand of a woman he loves, even breaking the laws of his small town and slip through a wall that leads to the woods in order to recover a fallen star. What Tristan doesn’t realize is that the wall is the portal to a fairyland, and that there, the star will come alive (and be played by Claire Danes). Nor is he the only one who seeks the star – Michelle Pfieffer plays a witch hoping to get the star for herself and her sisters, for it is through stardust that the gain their power and youth. I really loved this movie. It’s a fantasy mixed with a romantic comedy, and although it’s not nearly as good as the masterpiece The Princess Bride, I enjoyed it on the same level and for the same reasons as I enjoy that film. Pfeiffer is still beautiful, but played funny as well. Robert DeNiro and Ricky Gervais were both fantastic in small roles, and Danes was about as cute and desirable as she’s ever been. It’s a shame that more people didn’t see this film when it was in the theaters, but I’m holding out hope that – like The Princess Bride – it will find its audience in the next life.

There are plenty more comic book comedies out there, of course, but I think this is a nice sampling for this week. Now, friends, as promised, I’m going to let you dictate the course of the next Great Movie Ride column! With school out for the summer, I’m going through the movies on my NetFlix queue pretty rapidly, including a lot of comic book movies I haven’t seen before. So what I’m going to do, friends, is allow you to vote on which movies I’m going to watch and review next. I’m going to post a list of several comic movies on my queue that I have not seen before. You guys can vote for two movies on this list either here in the thread or through a private message. Then, on Saturday, June 7, I’m going to announce the top five vote-getters, and those films (whatever they happen to be) will be moved to the top of my NetFlix queue for use in the next GMR column. Sounds like fun? I thought so. Now remember, all of these are movies I have never seen before. So here are the nominees:

Barb Wire
Batman Vs. Dracula
Bulletproof Monk
Catwoman
Doctor Strange: Sorcerer Supreme
The Fountain
Man-Thing
The Phantom
Son of the Mask
Southland Tales
Swamp Thing
Tank Girl
Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo
Turok: Son of Stone
Vampirella
Zoom: Academy For Superheroes

Remember, friends, you are not voting for the two movies you like the most, you are voting for the movies you want to make me watch. And I solemnly swear to abide by the panel’s decision, regardless of what hell I may be unleashing upon myself. Let the voting begin!

Favorite of the Week: May 28, 2008

It was a pretty good week overall, including three solid entries by Grant Morrison, a new Astounding Wolf-Man and the return of Firebreather, but Geoff Johns walked away with it again with Green Lantern #31. Part three of “Secret Origins,” this continues the story of a young Hal Jordan, his induction into the Green Lantern Corps, and how this has changed his life immeasurably. More than just Hal, though, Johns is providing us with brilliant insight into other GLs like Tomar-Re, Abin Sur, and the future villainous mastermind Sinestro. And not only is he retelling the origin in a wonderful fashion, Johns is also showing us how Hal’s origins tie into what’s happening now, with the lead-in towards Blackest Night. This is maybe the best that Green Lantern has ever been.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People's Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the irregular “Think About It” humor column at Think About It Central. He’s also the co-host, with the inimitable Chase Bouzigard, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcast. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms.

[Blake Petit]

I didn't want to put this in the column itself, but for the sake of discussion, gang, here is as complete a list as I can compile of all the comic book/comic strip movies I have seen. (Movies in bold have already been discussed in this series of columns.):

30 Days of Night
300
American Splendor
Annie
Batman (1966)
Batman (1989)
Batman and Mr. Freeze: Subzero
Batman and Robin
Batman Begins
Batman Beyond: Return of the Joker
Batman Beyond: The Movie
Batman Forever
Batman Returns
Batman/Superman Movie: World's Finest
Batman: Mask of the Phantasm
Batman: Mystery of the Batwoman
Blade
Blade II
Blade: Trinity
A Boy Named Charlie Brown
Captain America
Casper
Comic Book Confidential
Comic Book Pajama Party: Women Who Love Comic Books
Comic Book Superheroes Unmasked
Constantine
The Crow
Daredevil
Death of the Incredible Hulk
Dennis the Menace
Dick Tracy
Elektra
Fantastic Four (1994)
Fantastic Four (2005)
Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer
Flash Gordon
From Hell
Garfield: The Movie
Generation X
Ghost Rider
Ghost World
Hellboy
Hellboy Animated: Sword of Storms
A History of Violence
Howard the Duck
Hulk
The Incredible Hulk
Incredible Hulk Returns
Iron Man
Josie and the Pussycats
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen
Look, Up In the Sky: The Amazing Story of Superman
Man-Thing
The Mask
Men in Black
Men in Black II
Mystery Men
Over the Hedge
Pogo For President
Popeye
Punisher (1988)
Punisher (2004)
Road to Perdition
The Rocketeer
The Shadow
Sin City
Snoopy Come Home
Spawn
Spider-Man
Spider-Man 2
Spider-Man 3
Stan Lee's Mutants, Marvels and Monsters
Stardust
Supergirl
Superman: The Movie
Superman II
Superman II: The Richard Donner Cut
Superman III
Superman IV: The Quest For Peace
Superman: Brainiac Attacks
Superman: Doomsday
Superman: The Last Son of Krypton
Tales From the Crypt Presents Bordello of Blood
Tales From the Crypt Presents Demon Knight
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze
Timecop
TMNT
To Riverdale and Back Again
Trial of the Incredible Hulk
Ultimate Avengers
V For Vendetta
Witchblade
X-Men
X2: X-Men United
X-Men: The Last Stand

And here is as complete a list as I can compile of comic movies I have not seen:

Barb Wire
Batman Vs. Dracula
Brenda Starr*
Bulletproof Monk
Captain America (1979)*
Casper Meets Wendy
Casper: A Spirited Beginning
Catwoman
The Crow: City of Angels
The Crow: Salvation
The Crow: Wicked Prayer
Crumb
Doctor Strange (TV Movie)*
Doctor Strange (2007)
Garfield Gets Real
Garfield: A Tale of Two Kitties
Hellboy Animated: Blood and Iron
Invincible Iron Man
Judge Dredd
Lil' Abner
Mandrake (TV Movie)*
Mandrake the Magician
Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD*
Persopolis
The Phantom
Return of Captain America*
Return of the Swamp Thing
Return to the Batcave
Richie Rich
Sheena
Son of the Mask
The Spirit (1987)*
Steel*
Swamp Thing
Superman and the Mole Men
Tank Girl
Teen Titans: Trouble in Tokyo
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III: Turtles in Time
Todd McFarlane: The Devil You Know
Turok: Son of Stone
Ultimate Avengers 2
Virus
Zoom: Academy For Superheroes

*-Not Available on NetFlix, and therefore, not likely to get reviewed any time soon...

If you see a notable omission from either list, please let me know.

[chrismozer]

That is one scary list of movies. I really don't wanna make you watch any but just out of plain meanie-ness, i choose: Son Of Mask and (shudder) Man-Thing.

Please accept my humble apologies but you asked for 'em.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by chrismozer

That is one scary list of movies. I really don't wanna make you watch any but just out of plain meanie-ness, i choose: Son Of Mask and (shudder) Man-Thing.

Please accept my humble apologies but you asked for 'em.

Hey, don't feel bad. I've girded the ol' loins and I'm ready for the worst.

Besides, if any of these were particularly good, I probably would have seen them by now.

[chrismozer]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Hey, don't feel bad. I've girded the ol' loins and I'm ready for the worst.

Besides, if any of these were particularly good, I probably would have seen them by now.

At least you know ahead of time they will stink. I actually rented Man-Thing with high expectations.

Hated Mystery Men when i first saw it but after several viewings it is one of my all time faves. William H. Macy was hilarious as The Shoveler. And i even like Ben Stiller (for once) as Mr. Furious.

[TobiasJeth]

In your description of your pick of the week, you kinda imply that Grant Morrison wrote Green Lantern. Just FYI.

[ironkey]

This is maybe the best that Green Lantern has ever been.

You still say maybe, Blake?
Green Lantern has never been this good, the only bad thing that i find here is that when Blackest Night ends so will Jonhs run

[Adam Chapman]

Since when is Grant Morrison writing Green Lantern?

[Michael Bailey]

I rather liked the Archie movie when it came out in 1990. Sure the rap song was awful, but the movie was a lot of fun.

[Blake Petit]

D'oh! Fixed it... this is what happens when you're writing one name and you mean something else.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by ironkey

You still say maybe, Blake?
Green Lantern has never been this good, the only bad thing that i find here is that when Blackest Night ends so will Jonhs run

I haven't heard anything about that...

[Andrea Speed]

first, a painfully bad rap version of “Sugar, Sugar” performed by Jughead and Jughead Jr.

That sounds like hell.



And I love Mystery Men! I love the Disco Boys as villains. They made the movie for me. (Almost. I did like the Shoveler as well.)

[Blake Petit]

And yet, I've only gotten one voter so far! I'd have thought you guys would relish the thought of putting me through cinematic hell.

[Justin Byrd]

I too loved Mystery Men. I thought it was hilarious. Geoffrey Rush was a perfect "comic" villain.

[Zap Rowsdower]

Ah hell, Justin. I was jost posting to say I liked everything about Mystery Men EXCEPT Casanova Frankenstein.

Nobody I saw the movie with found him funny in the least. I always say if that movie had a funny villain that would have been Austin Powers big (and the first Austin Powers WAS funny, although it's hard to remember that now)

Catwoman and Batman vs. Dracula are the only films on the list I've seen. One awful and one totally forgettable.

I think Blake should have to watch Man-Thing. It's a movie about animated mud, and I read on a review site that it doesn't even have anything in common with the comic character so that means someone paid for the licsensing rights for the name recognition of Man-Thing.

There's no part of that that isn't hysterical.

As for the other, aw what the hell, how about Son of Mask. Jamie Kennedy tries to be funny, take 1073!

[B. Schatz]

Originally Posted by Andrea Speed

That sounds like hell.

The rap really does sound like the worst thing ever.

So much so that my very being aches to see this in all its awe inspiring glory.

[Wolverace]

You wanted votes, well here you go:

Catwoman
Man-Thing
Tank Girl (starts off good, but then Jumping Ice-T arrives...)

this was before she began campaigning to join the Obnoxious Celebrity Club, founded by George Clooney

Ehm, did Zap feed you lines?

[Andrea Speed]

Oh, the movie vote thing.

I vote for The Fountain, because I liked it as a hallucinatory '60's cinema style mindfreak, and other people said "What the hell is this crap?!" And Man-Thing, because I'm hoping you'll accidentally pick up the porn movie variation instead. (It's probably more entertaining than the actual film. )

[silvermeteu]

I actually can't believe that you haven't done a column on American Splendor. I watched it a while ago for the first time on HBO and ended up buying a used copy at a local Blockbuster for like 6 bucks. I'll watch it every now and again. It's such a great movie.

I never even heard of that Archie movie. I did see Josie & the Pussycats, albeit it was a group outing when I was a junior in high school and it was the only thing all of us could agree to see. I remember it being... entertaining.

I loved Men in Black, and was sorely disappointed in the sequel. I did really like Mystery Men.

I didn't really have any interest in seeing Stardust. Maybe i'll put in on my netflix list.

[JX141]

Hey thanks Blake went out and rented Stardust last night and agree I thought it was pretty good.

I'll prob give Mystery Men a shot soon.