EVERYTHING BUT IMAGINARY #288: CHRISTMAS TALES FROM THE LONGBOX I

[Blake Petit]

Two more weeks until Christmas. I can’t believe it’s zooming up on us so quickly. I’ve barely made a dent in my prolific collection of Christmas DVDs, and I’ve got a few books just waiting for me to get through them. But I’ve also got a big stack of Christmas comics, so this week I decided I’d sit down with you guys and run down all the Yuletide masterpieces that have come across my comic folder this year. Fact is, I’ve still got several I haven’t read and I’m anticipating a few more that haven’t come out yet, so expect a second edition of this column either next week or on Christmas Eve.

The first book is a comic I snagged in a bargain bin during my recent trip to Pittsburgh. Detective Comics #572, cover dated March 1987, was the fiftieth anniversary issue of that venerable title – not of Batman, mind you, but of Detective Comics. That in mind, writer Mike W. Barrc rafted a storyline that involved not just one, but four of the greatest detectives of all time. It begins a few days before Christmas, when private detective Slam Bradley is hired by a young man whose fiancé has been kidnapped. In his search, Slam runs across Gotham’s protectors – Batman and Robin, you may have heard of them – and evidence that the case runs much deeper into the past. Before the book is over, Slam and Batman have joined forces with Elongated Man to solve the last unsolved case of Sherlock Holmes! Barr did a great job balancing the various heroes (including Holmes himself) in this issue, and while the storyline itself isn’t actually Christmas-themed, it still happens at Christmas so it counts. Because it’s my column, that’s why.

The rest of the stuff I have for you – this time – is all new. First up is a pair of offerings from the good folks at Bongo Comics. The third annual Simpsons Winter Wingding kicks off with Reverend Lovejoy going Biblical over the commercialization of Christmas. Ned Flanders takes the sermon a little too closely to heart and bans Santa Claus from his household, prompting Bart and Lisa to take it upon themselves to give Rod and Todd a Merry Christmas. I know, but James W. Bates manages to craft the story in a way that keeps Bart perfectly in-character. After a non-holiday short by Scott Shaw! featuring Bart in prision, Ari Kaplan supplies another great story, featuring Krusty the Klown’s effort to invent a Santa-esque mascot for Hanukkah, with disastrous results. Finally, Paul Dini and Misty Lee begin with Homer ready to enjoy a Christmas feast coma, and winding up as a guinea pig for Professor Frink’s latest experiment. The Flanders and Krusty stories are the best in this book.

Futurama Comics #40 steps up to the plate with an “X-Mas” story. Bender gets a job playing Robot Santa Claus at the mall. It’s the perfect job – all the customers he can abuse and immunity from Santa’s annual X-Mas slaughter. The b-plot, however, featuring Zoidberg at Santa’s workshop, is even funnier. I don’t know why, but I’ve always loved Zoidberg – his pathetic lot in life is kind of heartwarming, if for no other reason than because it’s him and not me. Eric Rogers does a great job with the character, and the story feels like a natural sequel of the two X-Mas episodes of the TV show.

Let’s hop on over to Image Comics, now, where Paul Dini has cut a deal with Top Cow to produce his own line of comics. The first Dinicartoons book features the return of his own holiday creation in Jingle Belle: Santa Claus Vs. Frankenstein. If you’ve never read any of Jing’s comics in their previous homes (at Oni Press or Dark Horse Comics), here’s the capsule explanation: Santa and Mrs. Claus have a daughter. Jingle Belle is 151 years old, but in elfin years, that’s the equivalent of being a 16-year-old girl, and in Jing’s case, she’s a rebellious teenager to boot. In this new one-shot, Jing and her friend Polly Green (the Halloween Witch) find the legendary Frankenstein Monster frozen in ice. Frankie tries to acclimate himself to life in Santa’s workshop, but the big guy has a bigger problem – a busybody in Massachusetts is trying to rile up public opinion against him. Dini has mixed in some pretty timely Christmas issues in with a hysterical, energetic adventure that’s a ton of fun to read. Plus, the artwork by Stephanie Gladden and Felix Serrano is some of the best I have ever seen in a Jingle Belle comic. This is a property that really ought to be an animated TV special one of these Christmases.

Let’s move on now to our friends at Archie Comics. The Riverdale gang has brought us several Christmas issues this year, as they usually do, but so far I’ve only gotten around to reading one of them: Betty and Veronica Spectacular #86. Cartoonist Dan Parent helms this issue, which brings back two holiday helpers that have met the gang before. Jingles the Elf is irritated at Betty and Veronica for constantly tearing at Archie’s freedom, while the Christmas Fairy named Sugarplum is mad at Archie for leading the girls on. Both magic mischief-makers come up with the same idea – turn into a human to try to disrupt the oldest love triangle in comics… with sweet, if predictable, results. The book has a lot of other content as well – Spectacular is half-comic, half-magazine for tween girls, and so you get a holiday-themed quiz and fashion show featuring the girls, some humorous cards featuring the gang, and a nice feature on gift-giving that’s funny, but still potentially useful.

Finally, let’s join the Disney characters courtesy of Gemstone Publishing, which gave us three hefty comics this year. I’m gonna save the biggie, Walt Disney’s Christmas Parade #5, for the next installment of this column. But let’s look at the other two:

Walt Disney’s Comics and Stories #697 kicks off with a Carl Barks tale, “Search For the Cuspidora.” barks did a lot of brilliant Christmas comics in his time, and this one has a lot to live up to. Scrooge rounds up his nephews to search for a sunken treasure right before Christmas, taking them away from home for the holiday. It’s a Christmas story, of course, so you know it’ll have a happy ending. Mickey Mouse then takes to the top of Mt. Ominous to cut down his Christmas tree, only to find himself locked in heated battle with a tree lot owner desperate to sell one last tree to break even. Mickey also winds up trapped in an avalanche with Goofy later, and presumably a different avalanche causes trouble for Bucky Bug. My favorite bit on this issue, though, was the story featuring Huey, Dewey, and Louie inventing a smash hit computer game. While they become wealthy quickly, they start to lose touch with their friends and family. The solution to this little problem is a simple, elegant one, that makes the book totally worthwhile.

Finally, let’s visit Uncle Scrooge #382. The opening story, “The Money Champ,” isn’t a Christmas tale, but rather Carl Barks’ classic story of the first of many rematches between Scrooge and Flintheart Glomgold for the title of Richest Duck in the World. It’s not a Christmas story, but it is a great story, so I’ll allow it. In “Scrooge’s Workshop,” Scrooge discovers that he is the actual owner of Santa Claus’s workshop. As he decides to run it more like a business, Christmas is in greater danger than it faced from the Bergermeister Meisterberger and the Grinch put together. “The Great Lot Plot” brings us Donald in an effort to sell expensive lottery tickets to raise money for charity… and who better to hit up for cash than old Uncle Scrooge? Scrooge, of course, doesn’t see it that way. And finally, in “The Madness of King Scrooge,” the tycoon is forced into giving Christmas bonuses to his staff. In an attempt to recoup his losses, he’ll do whatever he has to do to get Donald’s bonus back in his own pocket. This is a great collection of comics, as well. In fact, all of Gemstone’s offerings this year were fantastic.

Thus begins my little rundown of all this year’s Christmas comics. I hope you guys are enjoying it, and I hope we can find even more for the conclusion of this feature in a week or two. In the meantime, DON’T FORGET TO VOTE IN THE 2008 EBI AWARDS!. Check out last week’s column for the nominees and the rules!

Favorite of the Week: December 4, 2008

Yet again displaying just how good Johnny DC has gotten at crafting comics for kids, I’m an immediate fan of Landry Walker and Eric Jones’s new miniseries, Supergirl: Cosmic Adventures in the Eighth Grade. The creators take some serious liberties with Kara’s origin, but it makes for a sweet, accessible story that’s full of humor, great characterization, and awesome artwork. After just one issue, I’m already hoping that this book manages to find its way to an ongoing series. It was all kinds of awesome.

Blake M. Petit is the author of the superhero comedy novel, Other People's Heroes, the suspense novel The Beginner and the novel-in-progress ”Summer Love” at Evertime Realms. He’s also the co-host, with the inimitable Chase Bouzigard, of the 2 in 1 Showcase Podcasts. E-mail him at Blake@comixtreme.com and visit him on the web at Evertime Realms.

[Dirge]

Last weekend I managed to watch my two favorite christmas movies: Bad Santa and Die Hard.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Dirge

Last weekend I managed to watch my two favorite christmas movies: Bad Santa and Die Hard.

Heh -- both quality films.

Still, I'm a sucker for the classics. It ain't Christmas until I've seen It's a Wonderful Life and Charlie Brown.

[Chase Bouzigard]

I hate xmas.

[Adam Chapman]

Originally Posted by Chase Bouzigard

I hate xmas.

And why's that, Chase?

[Chase Bouzigard]

Originally Posted by Adam Chapman

And why's that, Chase?

In a word

Spite.

[Justin Byrd]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Heh -- both quality films.

Still, I'm a sucker for the classics. It ain't Christmas until I've seen It's a Wonderful Life and Charlie Brown.

Ugh, I loath It's a Wonderful Life. I love Christmas movies, but it's one of the few that I can't stand.

And Chase? LOVE CHRISTMAS! I've got so much holiday cheer it's coming out of my pores. (And if you still can't enjoy it, let Santa Prime de-humbug you!)

[Chase Bouzigard]

Originally Posted by Justin Byrd

Ugh, I loath It's a Wonderful Life. I love Christmas movies, but it's one of the few that I can't stand.

And Chase? LOVE CHRISTMAS! I've got so much holiday cheer it's coming out of my pores. (And if you still can't enjoy it, let Santa Prime de-humbug you!)

Santa Prime may have made my hart grow just a little.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Chase Bouzigard

In a word

Spite.

Actually, once you get to know Chase in real life, you come to understand that spite is the primary motivator in most of his non-Disney related decisions.

[Chase Bouzigard]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Actually, once you get to know Chase in real life, you come to understand that spite is the primary motivator in most of his non-Disney related decisions.

And here i thought that you the it was reckless abandinment.

[Andrea Speed]

Ugh, I loath It's a Wonderful Life.

Hey Justin! Something we can agree on one hundred percent. I thought I was the only one rooting, "Die George, die!"

(I'm so mean.)

[Justin Byrd]

Originally Posted by Andrea Speed

Hey Justin! Something we can agree on one hundred percent. I thought I was the only one rooting, "Die George, die!"

(I'm so mean.)

I was actually yelling "what? So Old Man Potter just gets away with it???? What is the matter with you people????"

And yes, you are mean.

[Dirge]

Now I am waiting for 24 hours of a Christmas story. Amazingly, I've only seen It's a wonderful life once.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Chase Bouzigard

And here i thought that you the it was reckless abandinment.

No, reckless abandonment is your PHILOSOPHY. Spite is your MOTIVATION.

[Dalarsco]

I have to chime in as one of the people who hates It's a Wonderful Life. It's a smarmy piece of crap. Now I love almost any riff on A Christmas Carol. The only exception being the 1984 George C. Scott version, which somehow manages to cram more preachiness and sentimentality into that story than It's a Wonderful Life.

[Blake Petit]

And you Life haters are all wrong.

Although there is something to be said for a great Christmas Carol interpretation. Personally, the Muppets version is my favorite.

[Justin Byrd]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

And you Life haters are all wrong.

Although there is something to be said for a great Christmas Carol interpretation. Personally, the Muppets version is my favorite.

But...but Potter got away with it!!!

I much prefer the SNL ending where they beat the holy hell out of the old man at the end.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Justin Byrd

But...but Potter got away with it!!!

I much prefer the SNL ending where they beat the holy hell out of the old man at the end.

Bah! Dave Kellet already beat you to that observation!

[Justin Byrd]

Originally Posted by Blake Petit

Bah! Dave Kellet already beat you to that observation!

Never heard of him.

But I still don't care for the flick.

Give me Holiday Inn or White Christmas anyday.

[Blake Petit]

Originally Posted by Justin Byrd

Never heard of him.

But I still don't care for the flick.

Give me Holiday Inn or White Christmas anyday.

Never heard of Dave Kellet?

Or Sheldon, my favorite webcomic?

Oh, dude, start reading through the archives. The adventures of a 10-year-old dot-com billionaire and his talking duck. Best comic strip ever.